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Who Are My Mahrams? August 11, 2009

Posted by ummibraheem in Islam, Marriage, Women and Islam.
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Who are your mahrams – the men you cannot marry/have sexual relations with and do not have to observe hijaab in front of ?

My husband seems to be quite lost these day on exactly who a woman’s mahrams are, so I thought I’d do a little reading for him. (Yay! One thing I actually might know more about than him! :)  My source was primarily my Fiqh of Love notes (taught by Shaykh Yaser Birjas), but I double-checked with Islam Q&A to make sure I didn’t have discrepancies. Please correct me, someone, if you happen to find any mistakes!

little_brother

To begin, mahrams can be split into 3 categories:

1) mahrams by blood

2) mahrams by marriage

3) mahrams by breastfeeding 

Most of your mahrams are summed up in this ayah, where Allah says:

“And tell the believing women to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts and not expose their adornment except that which [necessarily] appears thereof and to wrap [a portion of] their headcovers over their chests and not expose their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands’ fathers, their sons, their husbands’ sons, their brothers, their brothers’ sons, their sisters’ sons, their women, that which their right hands possess, or those male attendants having no physical desire, or children who are not yet aware of the private aspects of women. And let them not stamp their feet to make known what they conceal of their adornment. And turn to Allah in repentance, all of you, O believers, that you might succeed.” (24:31)

Mahrams by Blood

Mahrams by blood are pretty simple to understand. They are your mahrams because they are related to you by blood :)

1. Your descendants (son, grandson, gread grandson, etc)

2. You ancendants (father, grandfather, greatgrandfather, etc)

3. Your parents’ descendants (your brother, your brothers’ sons, your sisters’ sons. This includes half-brothers and half-siblings.)

4. The first generation of your grandparents’ offspring.

That is – your mother’s brothers, your father’s brothers. These are  your maternal and paternal uncles by blood. This does not include, for example, your mother’s sister’s husband. In Urdu, we call this relationship khalu, your khalu is NOT your mahram! He is not your uncle by blood, rather he is your uncle through marriage.

Mahrams by Affinity/Marriage

This is also where things get sticky. People assume a lot of mahrams once they are married. The most obvious mistake: the brother in law. The brother in law is NOT your mahram! As a matter of fact, the Prophet sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam said that the brother in law is death. Now, before you freak out, read the following hadith:

‘Uqba b. Amir reported Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying: “Beware of getting, into the houses and meeting women (in seclusion).” A person from the Ansar said: “Allah’s Messenger, what about the husband’s brother?” Whereupon he said: “The husband’s brother is like death.” [Muslim 26/5400]

It’s true. That is usually the person most couples feel comfortable around. The husband thinks, “He’s my brother, I trust him.” And the wife thinks, “He’s my husband’s brother, like he’s going to look at me like that?”

Since when did intentions dictate Shari’ah? They are not your mahrams. If your husband were to pass away (Allah preserve our husbands!) it is completely halal for his brother to marry you. An example of this would be ‘Uthmaan radiyallahu ‘anhu – he married one daughter of the Prophet sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. When she passed away, the Prophet married him to another of his daughters.

Anyway, so back to the mahrams :)

Your mahrams by marriage are:

1.) Ancestors of your husband. (That would be your husband’s father, his grandfather, etc.)

2.) Your descendants’ husbands (basically, flipping the coin on #1). (This would be your son-in-law, your granddaughter’s husband, etc.)

3.) The husbands of your ancestors (your mother’s husband…which would be your father, lol. Your stepfather, your grandmother, etc).

4.) The husband’s descendants.

This, of course, would include your sons and any children your husband may have had with another wife. And it also includes your step sons. A note, however: by contract, a man’s stepdaughter is still halal for him. After consumation, she becomes completely haram.  So the mahram relationship which is established to step children is after the parents consummate the marriage.

Common Misconceptions

1.) My brother in law is my mahram. We already addressed that :D

2.) My cousins are my mahrams. I don’t even know why people don’t observe hijaab in front of their cousins. Don’t they realize Muslims marry cousins all the time? It is completely halal. I think the fact that we are family makes  us more comfortable and we forget the Law of Allah.

3.) My khalu and pupha are my mahrams. These would be uncles that married into your family. A simple rule of thumb: any uncle that married into the family is not your mahram unless you can prove it :D

4.) Anybody I call khalu or uncle is my mahram. Really? :/ That’s interesting. Your mother’s and father’s cousins are NOT your mahrams. Heck, they’re not your MOM’s or DAD’s mahrams, so why would they be your mahrams?

5.) My “nieces” and ”nephews” are my mahrams. This would be…let’s see. Your mother’s sister’s grandkids. WHY? Your cousins are not your mahrams, so why would their kids be? People may think when reading this: “This chicks’ crazy. Why is she even talking about them? There’s probably a gazillion years age gap.” Not in some families where they are loads of kids.

6.) Well, the list could drag on….

Just because your call someone “aunty”, “uncle”, “brother”, “sister” does NOT make them your mahram! Be careful of who you remove hijab in front of, even if they are family. InshaAllah I hope this post helped make things simpler  :)

 I realize that there are also Mahrams by breastfeeding. I would have to do a lot of reading before writing about that, however, so inshaAllah another day :)

some links to checkout:

father’s wife’s mother

Mahram through breastfeeding

obligations to relatives through breastfeeding

mahrams through marriage, and another similar link

a general list of all mahrams  

Comments»

1. Areej - August 20, 2009

Mashallah, this post is really interesting and packed with information. I dint know that son-in-law too could be your mahram, jazakallah.

ummibraheem - August 21, 2009

Of course the son in law is mahram! :) Your father in law would be your mahram – you don’t have to observe hijaab in front of him. Actually, he is about the only mahram you get when you’re married. Well, your husband’s father; your husband’s father’s father, etc…

2. UmmIsmail - September 15, 2009

Assalamu Alaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuhu
I have a question my husband converted to islam a long time ago before i married him and of course hes family is not muslim. So someone told me that since hes father is not a muslim that he is not mahram for me and that i am not aloud to live with him or that i have to wear hijab in front of him. I know this is not true but this person insistes that it is haram is there any ayah in the quran or hadith that states anything about this? Please let me know as soon as possible. JazzakAllahu Khairen. Salam Alaikum wa Rahamtullah

ummibraheem - September 15, 2009

wa ‘alaykum as salaam wa rahmatullah sister

to be honest, i dont really know the answer myself. I asked my husband to ask a shaykh though…if I get a response, I’ll let you know.

*update* I found the answer on Islam Q&A :) Alhamdulillah

Oh – and to the person who is telling you that you HAVE to wear hijaab in front of your father in law, I believe the burden of proof lies on them. That is, THEY have to produce proof that he is not your mahram. wAllahu ‘alam

3. muslim sista' - October 21, 2009

wow, thats a lots a lot of info sista!!
alhamdulillah!

but what about my dads bothers, my grandads sisters doughters husband, who are both cousins,

or my mums sisters husband, who is my grandmas sisters son, so the married couple are both cousins?

or my grandmas sisters son?

all this stuff is very very confusing – i just want to get is right!!

also if they come to my house, is it enough to wear salwaar kameez, or jeans and dress up to my knees?? – inshallah im going 2 wear jilbab/abaya starting tomorrow (im so xited!!) i just wanted to get it ryt!! hehe! (i already alhamdulillah wear hijab!)

thanku 4 all ur support and may allah shower his blessings upon u!! and any1 who comments!! =]

ummibraheem - October 21, 2009

as salaamu ‘alaykum muslim sista :)

A lot of those people fall into some of the categories mentioned above:
1) Your dad’s brothers are your uncles by blood – therefore, your mahrams.
2) Your grandad’s sister’s daughter’s husband…most likely not your mahrams :D They seem like far off cousins to me. No?
3) Your mum’s sister’s husband is not your mahram, nor your mothers. (He would be your mum’s brother in law. Also discussed in post :D

And i’m sooo happy for you that you’ll star wearing abaya! There’s this site for hijabis, if you want to check it out – igotitcovered.org

As for your question about what wear when your non mahrams come…Well, from what I understand it would be the same as you going out and being around non mahrams. So whatever you wear in front of strange men in public, you should observe in front of them. wAllahu ‘Alam. Buuuut – a word of caution – my parents kind of freaked out when I first started wearing abayas around my uncles who were not my mahrams …. So do it with hikma (wisdom) inshaAllah. May Allah strengthen you sweetie :)

4. Nabeela - October 21, 2009

I completely understand your frustration about women thinking they can remove their hijabs in front of male cousins. In fact, here in USA, many American muslims I know go “ewww” at the thought of marrying cousins. That is soo wrong. They are making haram on themselves something that Allah taala made halal for them.

ummibraheem - October 21, 2009

Yeah, I think that’s a major problem with a lot of Muslims raised in the US. We think of our cousins as brother/sisters. That’s the culture HERE. You said it – we can’t make something haraam that Allah has made halaal.

5. muslim sista' - October 22, 2009

thanx 4 clarifying it 4 me!! alhamdulillah, ive started wearing it today!!, i went out and brought 1 today, and my mum sed that she will make me some cz they r a bit xpensiv in the shops – and i know its halal becasue in my relatives and family we all marry our cousins because its easier for the parents 2 choose a person who they kow inside out, who will inshallh be good for u!!
and ummibraheem – u sed it ryt!! y make halal haram!!

peace n luv!!

6. Saarah - October 26, 2009

Wow, that’s a lot of information! It cleared up a bunch of confusion…but, I’m visiting Pakistan right now and meeting a lot of family I didn’t before, and I still have one question:
My grandfather has a second wife, so his son with her (or my dad’s stepson) wouldn’t be mahram, right? My mother and I had a disagreement over this when he came to visit the other day, but I ended up wearing a hijab anyway to be on the safe side :)
Thanks for the wonderful post!

ummibraheem - October 27, 2009

alhamdulillah my intention was to clear up confusion :D although, I don’t know how good of a job I did, seeing as there are so many questions still! :)

My question – you said that your grandfather had a son WITH his second wife. Do you mean that he is your grandfather’s son by blood? In that case, he wouldn’t be his step son, he would be his blood son. Just wanted to clarify the relationship.