5 Love Languages: Part 5

Physical Touch

Research shows that babies who are held, hugged and kissed develop a healthier emotional life than those who are left for long periods of time without physical contact. Clearly, physical touch is big part of communicating emotional love.

What is your reaction to someone who is crying? Naturally, you’d go over and give them a hug. If one of your friends is upset and complaining about something to you, a pat on the back seems appropriate. In times of celebration, we hug and kiss each other.

What it is: Even though we are talking about marriage, physical touch does not necessarily mean sex. It is also kissing, hugging, touching, holding hands, a foot massage, etc. Guys may think that their primary love language is sex, but ask yourself this: if your needs for having sex often are met, do you like that your spouse touch, kiss and hug you often otherwise? If the answer is not a resounding “yes!” most likely your primary love language is not sex.

When I attended a lecture by Yassir Fazaqa (and some other well known Imams), he mentioned the three things men like most: 1) sex, 2) doing all else but sex, 3) massages. So, sisters….if you want to please your husband, give him a nice ten minute massage inshaAllah :o) (And brothers, as Yasir Birjas said, “Sometimes, just take the massage and walk away [without it leading to anything else].”

The Prophet sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam once came to ‘Aa`isha to kiss her. She said, “I’m fasting.” The Prophet sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam said, so? I’m fasting too. And then he kissed her.[1]

This part of the book was really interesting to me:            

The male is physically pushed to have sexual release on a somewhat regular basis. For the female, sexual desire is rooted in her emotions, not her physiology. There is nothing physically that builds up and pushes her to have intercourse. If she feels loved and admired and appreciated by her husband, then she has a desire to be physically intimate with him. But without the emotional closeness, she may have little physical desire.

Tips if your Spouse’s Primary Love Language is Physical Touch

1.       Walk up to your spouse and say, “Have I told you lately that I love you?” Take her in your arms and hug her wile you rub her back. “You are the greatest!” (Resist the temptation to rush to the bedroom). Untangle yourself and move on to the next thing.

2.       While your spouse is seated, walk up behind her and give her a shoulder massage. Continue for five minutes unless she begs you to stop.

3.       Initiate sex by giving your spouse a foot massage. Continue to other parts as long as your spouse seems pleased by it.

4.       Riding down the road together, reach over and touch your spouse on the leg, stomach, arm, hand or…. If he or she says “stop!” by all means, put on the brakes.

5.       When your spouse comes home, meet him at the door, give salaam to him and a big hug. (This should be done every day….Also, ask him how work was. If he doesn’t want to discuss it much, let him go and unwind while you prepare a cool drink for him.)

6.       Wrap a ribbon around a massage oil bottle and give it to your spouse with a note that says they are in for a 30 minute full body massage at [whatever time if convenient for them].


[1] Fiqh of Love notes, taught by Yaser Birjas

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