“Looks just like a boy, doesn’t she?”

It’s hard to believe that someone can actually have the nerve to say that about a little baby girl, nevermind to her mother. Who could say that? Ah, the notorious aunty. You know, the one who would say to your face, once you hit 16, “Any good proposals in yet?” Or the one who, when seeing you gain a pound or two – “Beta [child], you need to watch your weight. Time to cut back on those gulaab jaman, eh?”

babyfeet1The last time I went to visit my mom with my new born baby girl, an aunty actually had the nerve to laugh and tell me – to my face – “Looks just like a boy, doesn’t she?” What the h*ll kinda thing is that to say to a mother? Seriously? Are people just plain stupid or they really don’t care whose feelings they’re hurting? Or maybe they are just downright spiteful. Whatever the reason was, I wanted to punch her. But I didn’t. (A choice I regret now). I was just so appalled that someone could say something like that.

Now, I wish I would’ve punched her, but I know keeping silent was probably the best answer. Saying something cruel in reply really wouldn’t accomplish anything. It would have no effect on the person (do you think someone so ignorant can be reasoned with?). The angel on my left would’ve had to write. And, when it comes down to it, comments like that shouldn’t be dignified with a response.

Ignorant remarks like that always remind me of the time a man said hurtful words to Abu Bakr. The Prophet sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam stood by, smiling. However, when the man persisted in his hurtful words and Abu Bakr began to reply, the Prophet sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam left. When asked why he did so later, the Prophet said that when Abu Bakr had kept silent, an angel was in his place, replying to the man. When Abu Bakr replied, that angel left. [I searched and searched but could not find the hadith for this…]

I remind myself before anyone else, that we should be careful in speaking too much or too quickly (just saying whatever pops into our minds), because we can hurt people and not know. The Prophet has said, as part of a longer hadith, “And will people be overturned on their faces or upon their nostrils in the Hellfire except because of the harvests of their tongues.” (At-Tirmidhee 2616).

The Prophet sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam said, “When the son of Adam wakes up, his limbs submit to his tongue, saying to it, ‘Fear Allah regarding us, for if you become upright, we too will become upright; and if you become crooked, then we too will become crooked.'” (Ahmed 114998 )

So, in response to all those ridiculously cruel things people say,  it’s best not to even reply. And if they want to hate, that’s fine. I know my babies are both cuties mashaAllah 8)

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