This is part 10 of my Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus series.
This chapter was very eye opening because I was shocked by how differently men and women keep score and what matters to men. Apparently, when a woman keeps score, all gifts score one point. (I didn’t agree with this completely, being a woman 🙂 I think some things do score more than others.)
A man doesn’t realize that to a woman, the little things are just as important as the big.
Small things, like a rose, a box of chocolate or 15 minutes of undivided attention can get you major brownie points 😉 Men generally do these things at the beginning of relationships, but they seem to slowly fade out. They don’t mean to do this. Men just focus their attenton on doing one particular big thing for their partner. In the process, they don’t realize they may be neglecting the little things. This is a blessing, guys, because if you do the little things, it’s pretty easy to keep a girl happy 🙂
Think of it as women having a love tank. Their tank has to be regularly filled so that they feel loved.
The book lists 101 things to do score points, but since I’m a girl, I’m going to skip on to what’s important to me 😀
Just as men need to do the little thing, women need to notice when they do and appreciate & encourage it. It’s a win-win situation ladies 😀
Men strive for greater and greater success because they believe it will make them worthy of love. A woman can heal this addiction by appreciating the little things he does.
The Resentment Flu
Women automatically appreciate the little things, even if they don’t voice it. The only exception is when they are feeling resentful. If a woman feels unloved and neglected, she may actually subtract points because of her resentment flu. Even if he does do something for her – she will not give points or appreciate him. This is not fair, but that is how it works 😦 Then he catches the flur and the situation gets worse and worse.
She needs to take responsibility for giving too much and take care and pamper herself.
Why Men Give Less
In a nutshell, it’s because they keep score different 🙂 They focus all of their energies on something big, thinking that is what their partner wants.
Also, women tend to keep on giving until they are empty and spent. They’ll give even if they feel that the score is uneven. They mistakenly assume that men will do the same. Ironically, when a woman keeps giving, a man assumes that the score is in his favor.
Men keep a closer look on score than woman. Generally, women won’t notice the score board until they are burnt out and can give no more.
Men give when they are asked.
Just as women get the “resentment flu”, men similarly give penalty points when they are angry or feel unloved.
How Men Give Points
Every time a woman appreciates what a man has done for her, he feels loved and gives her a point in return. To keep the score even in a relationship, a man really doesn’t require anything but love. Women don’t realize the power of their love and many time unnecessarily seek to earn a man’s love by doing more things for him than they want to do.
So, for example, if a woman is supportive to a man who is vulnerable or who has just made a mistake, he will be very generous in giving points. Basically, the point giving is directly proportional to how vulnerable he is.
When a man is upset or feels he has failed his partner in some way, he would rather become angry than sorry. It’s easier than acknowledging he has failed her in some way. Lay low and the tornado will pass 🙂
How Women Can Score Big
He makes a mistake and she doesn’t say “I told you so” or offer advice. (Points: 10 – 20)
He gets lost and she sees the good in the situation and says “We never would have seen this beautiful sunset if we had taken the more direct route.” (Points: 20 – 30)
He forgets to pick something up and she said, “It’s Ok. Would you do it next time you’re out?” (Points: 10 – 20)
He forgets to pick up something again and she says (patiently and with trust): “It’s Ok. Will you still get it?” (Points: 20 – 30)
And the list goes on…but hopefully you get a good idea 🙂